I live in an apartment. Historically, I’ve never heard any of my neighbors in my building. With my mental health struggles, I’m pretty sure my neighbors can’t say the same. I think I’ve been putting a lot of bad energy into the world lately, and they say you get from the world what you put into it. I try to hold back the negativity, but that’s not good either. I’ve gotta learn to alchemize it into something useful.
So I got home from class and the hallway smelled like sage. I’m not a fan of the scent of sage, but that’s ok. The energies seem calmer than they did earlier today.
I’d like to learn to yell less. I often lose my temper at somewhat innocuous things. I’ve had a history of reacting poorly when my inertia is interrupted, be it from a task or from nothing. This holds true with a history of problems with state changes in my past. If I had to guess this likely stems from the incident and the resulting unwanted move across the country (US, big place, nearly a 2000 mile move).
I’ve been using a mood tracker lately. I’ve never been one to track things like that because I can’t get myself to write in a journal for more than a week but I also don’t want my data going anywhere but my phone. I ended up downloading “Mood Cairns” from F-Droid. I’m loving it so far, and I’m gonna use it over time to try to develop heuristics for predicting my mood swings.
I’m preparing a speech on why I think everyone should explore their gender, not just those under the trans umbrella. I think it’s important to reckon with our identities, but gender identity is so often forced upon us that many of us are never given a chance to even consider what it means to us or make a decision whether we agree with the default assumption of what our societies say it means. That doesn’t mean I’m gonna go tell everyone to experiment with gender, but just to ask themselves earnestly what it means to them to be whatever gender they are.
I’m not a gender studies student. I’m a queer programmer with a big mouth who believes earnestly that most if not all of her opinions are objectively correct (disregarding the definition of objective, obviously). I’m heavily opinionated and I like to share my opinions.
I’m out of stuff to say today. I hope everyone’s week has been good. Happy hump day, just 2 more til the weekend.
Love y’all,
Nora